We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
