i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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