fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
