not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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