Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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