My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
