I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
