I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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