I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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