We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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