I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
