this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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