she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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