Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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