***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
