Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
