FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Two words: blizzard sex
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
