Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
