WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm at about main and main street
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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