Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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