she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
