i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
