You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize