Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
