I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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