The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
