Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
