Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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