Michael Bay diarrhea
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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