I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
