My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
