Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
