When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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