clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
