birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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