it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
