If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
