I puked a lego.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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