just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize