dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
