Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
