It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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