he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
