I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
