Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
