we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
