he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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