Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
