She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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