There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He passed out mid-signature
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
