he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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