No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize