I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
