She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
