He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The beer is more important than you right now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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