Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
