I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
