She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
