addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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