Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
