her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
