She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
