my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize