I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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