She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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