He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize