I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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