I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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