id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
